Musings on Monday Mornings

Loneliness. Loneliness on a vast shore with no people. No wind shuffles the sails on the mast. Not even the water stirs. Loneliness on a highway that brooks no traffic. No people. No cars. Just some lonesome music and a clear, straight road. Clouds in the distance on someone elses land. Maybe there people are sitting together looking out their windows, marvelling at the shapes the clouds make. At the shades of grey, at the turning breeze. At the moisture in the air. May there they smile as they slowly enjoy the intimacy that that serendipitous moment grants them. Loneliness in a room full of people. Buzzing of words, like bees in a bonnet. Many many people, so much noise. Laughter from every corner that resonates off others but falls mute on nearing you. A smile that reaches the corners of your lips, but can not cover the disdain that nestles there. A smile that rarely touches your eyes. And even then, it comes momentarily when your guard slips. Don't think I didn't see. I saw...

Because you are not there, nothing is the same. The old trees do not bow the way they used to. The summer monsoons do not give off the same smell of yore on dry parched driveways and the afternoon shadows do not linger on with that old sense of romance that defined them. Because you are not there, the house is not longer a home. Without you the memories of nightly conversation do not hold that same depth that only 'nonsense' inspires. With you gone, the houses silence shouts your absence. A litter of socks and shoes do not mark your passage, and no one bounces noise off the walls. Without you this house is not a home and knowing this truth they gave it away...again. I don't know what hurts me more today. The fact that you are no longer there or that that place we called home is no longer there. While the urge to cry is so tempting, I try not to succumb to it. I know you know what I mean. I am haunted by so many images, and her bravery....and his bravery...gives my bastard t...

Tonight I can write the saddest lines. Write, for example,'The night is shatteredand the blue stars shiver in the distance.' The night wind revolves in the sky and sings. Tonight I can write the saddest lines. I loved her, and sometimes she loved me too. Through nights like this one I held her in my arms I kissed her again and again under the endless sky. She loved me sometimes, and I loved her too. How could one not have loved her great still eyes. Tonight I can write the saddest lines. To think that I do not have her. To feel that I have lost her. To hear the immense night, still more immense without her. And the verse falls to the soul like dew to the pasture. What does it matter that my love could not keep her. The night is shattered and she is not with me. This is all. In the distance someone is singing. In the distance. My soul is not satisfied that it has lost her. My sight searches for her as though to go to her. My heart looks for her, and she is not with me. The same ...