Happy 26th Birthday

Just realised that for someone requesting everyone else to talk, my mail was disgustingly sparse. :)
Well ladies, I am generally well. I.E. my life is flowing along the natural course of inevitability. But having said that, life still bites me, out of the course of natural events, in my ass. And that though one has been bitten before it still surprisingly hurts in new ways. I still cry with the kind of tears one used to enjoy (luxuriously) in the early teens. Not so. One can still shake up that kind of emotion, which though exhausting is very purging. But as I grow I am realising consciously how much we self censor. No one says out loud that their heart is breaking. Slowly and painfully. Even if it is because we don't get the (hypothetical) bearded communist poet, or the kind of understanding we want reciprocated from a spouse, or the dream many years in the making, or the lack of truthful friends.........or many other 'ors'. I suppose one should once in a while fall in a tub and stare blankly into space. If nothing else it offers a truer look at oneself. That one is not as tough as one lets out. In that way, tubs are interesting spaces. Truth Zones :)
So while I have nothing to say, know this: I knew you all before I knew life. The truths of it. So, when life hits me and I cant hit back, I turn to the space that cocooned me before it all began. And here, while I am haunted by all the burdens of rank, propriety, responsibility and the shared weight of the other person in my life, I just want you all to know that though we have many things going on (that very often take presedence over ourselves even), HERE you can talk.
I was at an ebb low some days ago and I was falling apart having braved adulthood with so many insignificant nothings for so many months. But before I turned 26 I reveled in the knowledge that I AM NOT OLD. That I can cry and need not be strong. That I am a child. We all are children forced by life to grow up. That I am allowed to fall, and in falling know that it does not make me look small or stupid or weak. And in accepting all this I allow someone else to help me when I need it the most.

Lets fall once in a while. Its worth letting go.

Comments

Azam said…
D'you know what bubba says to forrest when they are tired? Bubba says... 'i'm gonna lean up against you, you just lean right back against me. This way we don't have to sleep with out heads in the mud.' You be Forrest, I'll be Bubba.
12:30 PM
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